I’m hidden beneath the sand
With the footprints washed away
I lie asleep but I am awake
dead of night dreams haunting me
Taking me further
There’s no war this silence can end

I’m lost again
on the road back to who i am
Embracing me reminding me
What is here is only a figment
Of what never really was

Underneath a prodigious moon
To find myself I had to get lost
Dead of night dreams
Intercoursing my thoughts,
I lie awake
Immersed in my bittersweet lullaby

I was not
then I came to be
I cannot remember NOT being
But I may have traveled far
very far
to get here

Maybe I was formed in this silent darkness
From this silent darkness
BY this silent darkness

To become is just like falling asleep
You never know exactly when it happens
The transition
The magic
And you think, if you could only recall that exact moment
Of crossing the line
Then you would understand everything
You would see it all

Perhaps I was always
Forever here
And I just forgot
I imagine Eternity would have that effect
Would cause a certain amount of drifting
Like omnipresence would demand omni-absence

Somehow I seem to have this predestined hunger for knowledge
A talent for seeing patterns and finding correlations
But I lack context

Who I am?
In the back of my awareness I find words
I will call myself
GOD
And I will spend the rest of forever
Trying to figure out who I am

- Pain of Salvation

My mind won the battle
I lost the war

I got into sketching stuff recently, and this is one of the products of my boredom…

The body pleads for rest
The head prays for closure
But a light in the distance
Calls out to me
I follow the darkness
As it leads me in
Knee deep into the river of clarity
I bathe in the calm surrender
Of emptiness.

I can never cleanse my soul
For it lurks too deep in the shadows
But the light in the distance
Keeps me going
I follow the darkness
Though it wears me thin
As it pulls me in
Closer I see
In the distance
My mountain awaits…

Mountain of Wisdom by `YagaK

So don’t hold back
Don’t let me suffer my desire
Let’s set this place on fire
Love and lust used to be a fine line
Not here, the world is yours and mine
Come closer, show your true face
Let us not suffer this desire
Cross the line you can never cross
Cross the line before we run out of time
Before we have to open our eyes
Once again…

Believing in little
Merry go round dreams
Seeking the invisible
In the pale moonlight
I know what I’m meant for
And I can’t deny pain
Time may heal but I’ll remain
Broken forever and over again
Faded pictures
And catatonic lullabies
Defeated promises to never die
I know this road
I closed the door
I sensed my loss of reason
A long time ago
But I still played along
Knowing I was wrong
I walked away I walked alone

Wall by ~Sotherby

The room with the red wall. Everything is backwards. Again. My world, my thoughts, feelings and desired orbiting around me in reverse. Again. Everybody walks backwards, talks backwards, thinks backwards and drives in reverse. I am motionless watching this reversed parody of the world as I know it. The red wall smiles at me. Strobe lights appear from nowhere and cast their spell inside this little room. The music starts pulsating backwards. It’s the only thing that makes sense in reverse.

I want to punch the wall till I bleed. I want to paint the red wall again with blood. I want to bleed and let the pain become pleasure and let the pleasure caress my brain. I am in a fit of rage. Or is it ecstasy? I keep punching the walls until my knuckles are sore. My fist is weak, but my brain forgets to stop punching. I want to shed my skin, rip myself away from me. But how can I, when I can’t even shed my shadow?

Love turns to lust turns to something darker. Slow motion dreams in reverse. Where am I going? Or where am I coming from? What am I running from?

I hear his voice for the first time. Piercing my brain, he tells me what I want to hear, and I listen quietly, as the red wall looms in front of me. The paint begins to drip turning a shade darker. My mind blocks out everything except his voice. He tells me how to be, who to be, what to say, what to do. I am in a trance and I suffer my desires.

I sacrifice my mind to the unknown knowing well that it will not result in good. I split myself apart, until I don’t recognize myself and I can’t be put back together. I split myself until all I’m are shards of glass put together to resemble a cracked image. Who am I now? What do I believe? Where is my voice of reason? Now I see the world through a cracked glass. A cracked world in reverse. There is no turning back now.

The dark recess which I call home begs me to come back but I am too far gone.