A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

Into Oblivion and Beyond

I sat down on the sand, staring at her majesty, a true beauty of nature. The ocean. In all her might she crashed around me, waves lapping at my feet, taunting, daring me to feel her strength. All around me, people were engaged in various activities, swimming, playing, relaxing. Here I was staring at the ocean, alone, but content. the sound of the waves, though fearsome, soothed my soul. My thoughts drowned out the rest of the world, and I just sat there, staring deep into my blissful oblivion.

Free from life, free from work, and everything that we do to survive. I was at a place where I could stay forever. An abundance of thoughts filled my head, each one overlapping the other. Reflections of life flashed before my eyes. I was lost, not wanting to be found. I looked at the horizon. A mystery, something which always intrigued me. Ever since I was a kid I had wanted to touch it, to feel it. But that was just another unattainable. The sun was setting, taking with it the last of the light. The sunset, something I love watching was not of any significance for me at that moment. It was the horizon which I was focused on.

The horizon reminded me of my dreams. I could try, I could swim as far as I wanted but still I will not be able to touch it. My dreams, I felt were similar, I have tried. I have given up. And I have tried again. But it just seems to be slipping further and further from my outstretched fingers.

The question which I love and hate at the same time, entered my head. What is life all about? That was the ever existent phantom in my head which hid in the shadows of everyday life, waiting to haunt me until I was alone. Such thoughts would usually disturb me, depress me, sometimes even drive me to the edge, but I didn’t feel that way at the moment. I ignored the question and kept looking out at the horizon, now slowly slipping into the darkness. I longed to swim towards it. Even if I didn’t touch it, I just wanted to challenge it. Even though I was confused, I felt in control. A feeling that I rarely get to cherish. I don’t know why I felt in control. I guess it was the ocean soothing me.

The feeling of peace was welcoming. I was growing tired of life in the real world and badly needed a time-out. The randomonium of thoughts were still swirling in my head, but I didn’t have a care in the world. I wished that everyday would be like this. Nothing to give, nothing to take, oblivious to the pain and suffering. Living in our own free world, without any burdens of control.

I lost sight of the horizon, the darkness had swallowed it finally. All I could hear were the crashing waves, now an unseen force. I felt myself breathing. I heard the silence, loud and clear in my ears. I was on my way back from my world, the oblivion that I love. I stood up to go. With one last look at the darkness, I turned away, closing the door to the world of solitude and entered the milieu of daily survival, eagerly looking forward to the day I will reopen that door and step into oblivion and beyond.

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