A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

Mindless Indulgence over Education

I have exactly 14 more days for my CIM exams, and I can bravely say that I haven’t even thought about studying. OK so I thought about studying, but that’s it. Instead I’m listening to music and just chilling out. I got into this mad mood to listen to a lot of music today, and to find new music and listen to new artists. This happened at work because both my bosses who normally sit next to and behind me are abroad and I’m alone on my side of the workstation, with the opportunity to do whatever I want and a mind screaming to take that opportunity.

So at work, I spent most of the time, checking out new music on YouTube, my solace in times of boredom. I did some work too, but I focused mainly on the music. I brought this phase home with me, and since then have been listening to various songs without studying. I found a new band, they been around for some time but they are new to me, Mindless Self Indulgence. I guess mindless is the proper name to describe them because I doubt the songs I heard, have a very deep meaning to them, but damn do they rock. I’ve been indulging myself in the songs, Never Wanted to Dance and Shut Me Up, which are so pumped up, they really gets you going. I’m also listening to a lot of The Killers, Placebo and Incubus, my form of therapy since recently. I’m beginning to realize my refreshed Incubus phase is not just a phase.

I don’t know what brought on this total neglect of studying. Maybe I’ll start studying later or tomorrow, maybe I won’t. I planned on studying yesterday and ended up watching a movie, today its music, who knows what tomorrow will bring. I don’t seem to care about it much now. Exams have just become little details in life that just have to be looked at when the proper time comes. Maybe I’ll freak out then and cram my ass of, but I will leave that also for another day. There’s 14 days more, I still have time… I think.

I’m writing this as a personal reminder, to remind myself, that in around 3 months from now, when I get my results, and (IF) I have failed (I hope I get through)
I will not kick myself for wasting time listening to music, watching movies and not studying.
I will be happy that I actually enjoyed myself doing nothing important and not stressing myself, because life is about living and having fun, and not about exams.
I will remember the music
I will remember the freedom

Feed my will to feel this moment
Urging me to cross the line
Reaching out to embrace the random
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come
(Tool)

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13 responses

  1. TheWhacksteR

    lol iv got mine around the corner too.. same scenario 🙂 totally with you on The Killers though. Pure therapy. Also sme raging death metal sometimes does the trick

    November 20, 2008 at 6:15 am

  2. Lady divine

    aiyooo… looks like we all have the same problem..:(I cant seem to study either… Im just emotionally disturbed.. and i cant concentrate at all! sometimes i find myself reading the same page over and over and over and I just can’t get it! sigh!my paper’s on the 4th..:( what stage r u doing?Me is stuck with MMP..and that’s all I got left to do also… saaaaaaaaaad!! 😦

    November 20, 2008 at 6:18 am

  3. FRGT10

    @ Whackster – Ya Killers r awesome.. cant listen to death metal though, dont have the ear for it hehe.. i dont mind the music but wen the vocals come on i'm like blaaah @ LD – I got the same prob..seems like my brain has a wall blocking everything educational!! hey i'm also doing MMP on the 4th. have that & the case :S

    November 20, 2008 at 6:36 am

  4. FINroD

    hey man i feel the same way about death metal… the music’s alryt but when the screeching and growling start i dont like it

    November 20, 2008 at 6:44 am

  5. TheWhacksteR

    yeah well you gotta be in the correct frame of mind for it. not always for me either 😀

    November 20, 2008 at 6:48 am

  6. FRGT10

    @ Finrod – ya it becomes way too noisy then..@ Whackster – dunno if i’ll ever be in the frame of mind for it 🙂

    November 20, 2008 at 7:25 am

  7. TheWhacksteR

    maybe after a puff or two 😀

    November 20, 2008 at 8:34 am

  8. realskullzero

    hehe…seems everyones got thier exams piled up..lol, damn…goin thru the same state man…what to do…!! May be a few days from now will my future self will come out with a contingency plan out of desperation…till then good luck..(um talkin to myself ere) lolbtw..Quite hv to agree with whatckster..u gotta b in the right mind…i didnt digg em earlier but nw smehw it has gotten into me..LOG and most metelcore bands are quite groovy and easy listening compared to black metal stuff(though both have screaming and screeches)….

    November 20, 2008 at 11:36 am

  9. changeiseverywhere

    haha fuckLateralus xDMindless Selfless Indulgence is new? :Odude…have you been living in a cave? =|

    November 20, 2008 at 3:42 pm

  10. FRGT10

    haha.. i heard of them never listened to their songs before.. knew they been around.. thats why i said they are new to me..and FYI its Mindless Self Indulgence (not Selfless) who’s the cave-boy now?? 😛

    November 20, 2008 at 4:09 pm

  11. Lady divine

    ah! so there’s a chance I’ll see you and not know who you’re… lolall the best with the case.. Hope you’ve done your analysis.. If you do need help, holler..:)

    November 22, 2008 at 6:02 am

  12. FRGT10

    hehe i guess unless we have a sign with our blog names on it..that wud be interesting.. thanks..havent even touched it.. i cant get myself to study..all the best with your studies hope ur doing better than me 😀

    November 22, 2008 at 8:03 am

  13. Sachith

    That happens because of the stress… You just wanna do anything other than studies. That has happened to me at every exam… Haven’t found a solution though. If you find a solution to the problem, drop in a note please… 😛

    November 29, 2008 at 11:24 am

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