A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

And I'm Still Walking

So here I am at the start of the New Year, looking back at the last one, reminiscing everything I can remember of the roller coaster of a ride. Like every year, 2008 had its ups and downs, but this time the ups were higher and the downs were deeper. When I look back I realize that I have said goodbye to one of the greatest years of my life.

My life revolves around a dream. It is a dream I’ve been having since I was a kid, but for some reason I let go along the way. I was forced to walk on the path which was well trodden, the safe and easy way out. So my dream was reduced to only a memory that I had of being someone I want to be.

I guess dreams are strong and can be kept down, but never be forgotten. Each day I was fighting the depression of not achieving what I wanted to and living some ghost life. 2008 changed that. I realized that whatever anybody says or does, I should do what I want to do. I went into a depression like never before. Even the little things I enjoyed I didn’t anymore. The little color I saw in the world was gone, and there was nothing I could do. When I go into a depression usually, I deal with it on my own. I don’t like to tell other people because I know they won’t understand me and I didn’t want to waste my time trying. This year things turned so bad that I had to get help. For the first time in my life, I properly spilled my mind and heart out to someone. At first I was afraid, but then I realized I just had to let go and I did. I have never experienced that peaceful feeling before.

I learnt who my real friends are. I learnt what it’s like to truly have a best friend. I made new friends. I did new things. I chased the dream and got further than I have ever before. Still it’s way out of my reach but I’m content. I went abroad for the second time. I learnt new things. I realized what it’s like to be down and out, and yet see the light at the end of the tunnel. I realized what it feels like to reach out for that helping hand reaching out for you. Everything that mattered before didn’t, and everything that didn’t matter, did. Things changed. I changed. I learned to appreciate the little things in life. I learned to be grateful for what I have and not always go in search of better things. I spoke my mind more, said things I had to say (though there still is a lot choking up inside) but it’s a start. I learned to give unconditionally. I did some things that I have been quite scared of but always wanted to try. I broke the silence that had enveloped me for a long time.

So 2008 was all about experience and new things and it was a great year for me. It had a very silent ending, but it was still worth it. I guess it was a good break to prepare for the chaos of this year. When I’m faced with death and my life is flashing in front of my eyes, I know that I will see 2008 because it is definitely worth watching.

So here’s to 2009, a better year, new experiences and achievements. Adversity may come, but let joy triumph once again. Let me remember the old but accept the new. Face the lies, but accept the truth. Stay true to my heart and follow my dream. Let me be jerked sideways, pulled upside down, collide head on, crash to the ground and yet stand up tall, with the blood sweat and tears to remind me of my victories. This is my new beginning. This is where my journey continues.



2 responses

  1. ahhw man…2008…was one heck of a year for me too man! You could never predict what awaits you from the time u get up each morning!! One heck of a ride..
    nyways man cheers to the journey..let 2009 be more eventful..happy new year!

    January 1, 2009 at 6:34 pm

  2. Glad you’ve come this far, Unsilent. This year will be better. I can feel it 🙂


    January 1, 2009 at 9:37 pm

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