A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…


Blackexists’ post on roach fear brought to my memory an extremely bad experience in my life. It is something I have to live with forever, I think.

The following is a true story (unfortunately). Read it with an open mind and do not judge me.

My roach fear began in year 11. I give full credit to my closest friends for scarring me for life. So this is the way the story goes. Before that particular day, I wasn’t afraid of the fuckers (the roaches I mean), I only thought they were disgusting, and I just hate them when they flew. The main reason for this was that I had heard that if they pee on you, it will cause a rash or something like that. So I used to avoid full contact with them. No fear though. Well not then at least.

One day in school there was a roach in the class and I just expressed my disgust to my friends. What did those lovely beings do? Well about 4 or 5 guys held me, with my arms pinned behind my back, while about 10 others were running around the class chasing the bloody roach. It went under the tables and chairs, through people’s bags and what-not and there was a big ha-ho to try and catch it. So finally one dude got the thing by the antenna (puke) and brought it towards me.

I was kicking and squirming and screaming, trying to break free, but they held on. So the roach was brought closer and closer and I kicked out at the guy who held it. The roach fell from his hand, right onto my LIPS (gaarrhh).

Yes, true, I felt the underside of the roach, those bristly legs and all on my fricking lips. At that very moment I was released and I was trying to get it off my face. It almost fell inside my shirt. Thankfully it never went in my mouth, but that was horrendous enough.

Some months later, the same scene happened. I was held and the roach was brought closer. By then I had developed an immense fear. I don’t know what happened to me that day; I think I kinda blacked out. My friends said I started shivering and my eyes had rolled up. They stopped everything and got me water and tried to get me back to normal. I survived.

Since that event, I have been scarred for life and I don’t think I’ll ever be cured. Whenever I see a cockroach, I remember how its legs felt on my lips that day. I shudder in fear, and I run. Sometimes I shout (I don’t scream) for my parents to come and get rid of the bloody thing. But since recently, the roaches only plague me in the night, when everyone is sleeping. I can’t go running to them then, I still have some pride.

I have anti-roach insecticides all over my room and bathroom, but sometimes they are not that effective as the little bastards still find a way in. So there I am in the confines of my room, with a slipper and some spray or anything I believe that can protect me from the vile creatures, exhausting my mind and body to overcome the fear and just kill them.

I hate them, I just fucking loathe them. I wish they went extinct like the dinosaurs.

So yes, that is my roach phobia. For those of you who are shaking their heads and scoffing, I told you not to judge. I know what you are thinking. Believe me, I’m a guy. I checked.


24 responses

  1. blackexists

    oh. my. god.
    I feel your pain. I’ve felt those pricky legs on my skin too – but – argh!!! what the fucks up with ur friends man???

    January 28, 2009 at 4:17 pm

  2. “I hate them, I just fucking loathe them. I wish they went extinct like the dinosaurs”

    Do you know that scientists have predicted cockroaches are the most likely creatures to survive the fallout of a nuclear war?

    Reassuring news isn’t that? 😉

    January 28, 2009 at 5:01 pm

  3. LOL. What a harrowing horror story! Dude, I’d be a basketcase if someone put those creepy bastards on my lips. 😐
    I loathe them because of the hygiene factor! Just kill em, is what I do. Run and hide when the flying ones come out though. x_x

    January 28, 2009 at 5:08 pm

  4. sabbyaz

    Oh. You are a guy.
    Ok, I really should not poke fun at people’s phobia. For heaven’s sake, I have plenty to go around!

    Poor you. There, there =)
    We all hate the little creepy crawly fuckers.

    January 28, 2009 at 5:36 pm

  5. royalladyphoenix

    Oh man! I so know what you mean. They are the most disgusting creatures ever. The thing is that they are the creatures who’ve survived through the whole evolution of life.I mean roaches have been around since prehistoric times and look at where the dinosaurs are where they are. Fucking sad isn’t it? That noone can really do anything about this


    January 28, 2009 at 6:13 pm

  6. Dee

    hahahaha! funny men. sorry…must have been traumatising.. just spray mortein when they are walking or flying thats what i do 🙂

    January 28, 2009 at 7:11 pm

  7. ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod………..eeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!!:S truamatizing to read it too !

    January 28, 2009 at 7:16 pm

  8. Pingback: Roach Tales Continued « Delilah Says

  9. Black – Those legs are horrid, and my friends were just pulling a joke, they didn’t think it would affect me so much 🙂

    KillRomeo – Yes I heard, I think these scientists should figure out a way to wipe out the bastards, without predicting shit

    Makuluwo – The flying ones are terrible

    Sabby – Thanks 😛

    Lady Phoenix – Thanks

    Dee / MC – Ya it was bloody traumatizing.

    January 28, 2009 at 10:57 pm

  10. so sorry you had to go through something like that
    and I can only imagine what it would’ve been like!
    traumatizing indeed!

    January 29, 2009 at 9:41 am

  11. 20 million years down the line a roach will be sitting at a micro computer sniggering at this piece of archaic writing from ‘those extinct human primitves’. i hate the fuckers too though

    January 29, 2009 at 11:10 am

  12. Reminds me of this really bad B movie I saw some time ago about roaches as big as horses whose favourite item on the menu was… human.


    Seriously, though, that sounds like a pretty bad prank to play on a friend.

    January 31, 2009 at 12:26 am

  13. tash

    i think i might be knowing the friends.. 😛
    typical of them…

    February 2, 2009 at 9:14 am

  14. Sapphire

    I can not only say that I feel the same way, but that I understand almost completely.
    I’m terrified or roaches too. Spiders and other bugs don’t scare me as much, they just disgust me, but whenever I see a roach… I don’t know, I start to hyperventilate and shake all over. My whole family laughs at me and always cracks jokes about it.
    Mine started from an experience too… only the roach clung onto my neck and I didn’t realize it was there until it started to move upwards towards my face.

    It’s good to know that I’m not alone! 🙂

    July 3, 2009 at 2:01 am

  15. Seth

    I’ve never had an experience like yours, but I’m terrified at the very thought of roaches. I’m a guy too, no worries there. The sight of these things causes me to hyper-ventilate, break out in sweat, my heart beats rapidly and I start to shake. It’s terrible. I’m not sure what to do.

    October 23, 2009 at 6:33 am

  16. Seth

    But I understand your pain.


    October 23, 2009 at 6:33 am

  17. Lisa

    Of course you are. I doubt it’s a full hard on phobia though, which is more power to you. I refuse to visit restaurants when it’s hot since I get in my head that they’re going to be there and run actoss my feet. Tell you’re mates you’ll have them killed if they do that again though, and remember to use hair spray rather than insect spray.

    October 25, 2009 at 11:37 pm

  18. @ Seth – Ya man, I know what you mean, its worse when they start flying. I freak!

    @ Lisa – Ya I guess it was instilled by that bad experience. and thanks for the advice on the hair spray. must try that.

    October 26, 2009 at 8:21 pm

  19. Candy

    OMG! In a weird way I’m happy that I’m not alone with this type of phobia. I’m so so sorry you had to go through that horrifying experience. Your friends are some bastards. Well as for me… I don’t know how the damn phobia developed. I’m 19 yrs old and been terrified of em as far as I can remember. No one knows where the phobia came from … My mom says as a child I was very fond of em. It freaks me out to admit this but my mom says when I started crawling I would chase after them and eat em… It freaks me out to even thin of that. My last ridiculous event was a while back when I woke up in the. Middle of the night and one flew over my head… I SCREAMED and woke everyone up and hyperventilated for so long I eventually passed out. Its been harder these past 2 years because I joined the army everyone assumed I’d get over it; wrong I’m still horrified. I cry stop brething scream and pass out… Black out. Idk how to deal with it and a few weeks ago I learned I’m terrified of potatoe bugs too. Cuz they almost shapped alike. If anyone knows how to fix such problem please let me know cuz these damned creatures are fucking up my life. Any way dude brave of you to admit to it.

    November 7, 2009 at 6:49 pm

  20. Li Hong

    I have the same phobia! I feel your pain /hug

    March 8, 2010 at 12:26 pm

  21. Hello there, Happy Fool’s Day!!!

    There was a position open for an accountant at this one large firm. They got the applicants down to 3 people. The president was going to interview each one separately. He asked the first applicant in.
    “I’m going to ask you just one question,” says the president, “What’s 2+2?”
    Applicant #1 promptly answers “Four.”
    “Thank you, we will get back to you,” replied the president.
    The second applicant comes in, same question “What’s 2+2?”
    Applicant #2 thinks this must be a trick question, thinks a little bit and says “Five.”
    The president replies, “Well, that’s obviously wrong, don’t call us, we’ll call you.”
    The third applicant comes in, same question “What’s 2+2?”
    The third applicant looks around as if he’s looking for someone else in the room and replies, “What would you like it to be?”
    The president exclaims, “YOU’RE MY MAN!”

    Happy April Fool’s Day!

    April 2, 2010 at 8:40 am

  22. Alexandria

    Omg im 13 i have been researching this my mom wants to put me in therapy. What happened to me was when i was 5 my step brother and step sister Picked one up and threw it at me. I was traumatized. my older brother kills them for me. When i see one i scream and cry for hours. Has any one ever seen an albino one? ugh

    April 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm

  23. i just stumbled upon your blog when i was googling my own roach phobia. i have the same problem. full on fucking panic attack-inducing hysteria when i see one.

    here is my back story for my phobia. yours might be even better though.


    April 22, 2010 at 10:50 pm

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