A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

Decipher Me

Let me stare at the perfection staring at me, making me blind. Let me paint the walls with the pain that brought us here on this long winding road. Let me pay tribute to the past for giving me one more personal victory to be proud about and remember. Let me stand at the edge of the world and feel the dizziness of looking down. Show me how it feels to trade here and now for then and there. Let me be proud of the gift of thought I’m cursed with and handle the blessing of being voiceless. Let me complicate myself so that I will never feel complete. Let me watch my dreams in slow motion, so I can see clearly. Take me to the place where I can say goodbye to the sun and greet the first star. Help me open the doors and never let you in. Take down all the decorations of this life so that I can look at the core and what it’s made of. Help me  choke on my own alibis, and taste the bitterness of defeat.  Help me deal with synthetic happiness so that I will never end my search for the truth. Cheer me on as I stumble and crawl. Change me so that I can’t recognize myself. Tie me up and tickle me. Bring that match you are holding closer to me and draw me to the flame, but don’t burn me. Help me fool myself and join in the laughter. Chase me so that I will never stop running. Lock me out in the cold and promise to never let me back in. Break that promise. Infect me and help me find the antidote. Help me make my life worth watching when it flashes before my eyes. Let me go, don’t leave me. Unfold me and let me live.


9 responses

  1. Unsilent.
    That was beautiful!
    Really. REALLY!

    February 4, 2009 at 5:09 pm

  2. Mayanthi


    February 4, 2009 at 10:51 pm

  3. Dee


    February 5, 2009 at 9:58 am

  4. “Help me make my life worth watching when it flashes before my eyes.”

    RSZ, the Whackster and I met up on Sunday… I don’t remember all of our conversations (you know why :P) but I remember talking about altered states and about living a dream and waking up to it… and only then realizing if it was a dream or a nightmare. Lately I’ve been wondering how much of my, albeit tiny, experience of life is even real. How much I will remember. How much will even matter. When that day comes. How much of this life is imagined? That this is good and that is bad. How much of it is actually known? I feel like I’m caught in a web of lies. Spun by myself. So caught-up in self-deceit that I don’t know how much of me is even real. How much of my experiences were really how I felt, heard, saw, and tasted… and how much was just my imagination. I’ve come to hate the idea of pre-conceived notions of norms, morals, ethics, codes of conduct, sexuality, love, life, and death. I’m just fucking hoping I will wake up and realize (because truth isn’t told it is realized). Until then… FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK DFGIP SDJGIPSDGKSD JKOGNsdo:gNSD;GH

    probably doesn’t have much to do with the post but those are just some thoughts that line helped conjure out of my mind and onto the keyboard. Thanks for that.
    As for the writing, you’ll get plenty of comments telling you what you already know. As I can already see above.

    February 5, 2009 at 11:40 am

  5. ” Help me to choke on my own alibis, and taste the bitterness of defeat. Help me deal with synthetic happiness so that I will never end my search for the truth. Cheer me on as I stumble and crawl. ”

    You have an amazing gift. I’ve said this hundreds of times before but I feel like you write my life. It’s like that song “Killing me softly” – strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life in his words…

    Wonderful post.

    February 5, 2009 at 4:38 pm

  6. tash


    February 6, 2009 at 9:46 am

  7. C.

    Sabby – Thanks 🙂

    Mayanthi, Dee & Tash – Thank you too 🙂

    RoF – You win the award for longest comment. Congrats! I have been meaning to write a post along the lines of what you said. Must try and work on it. Maybe you should too (copy paste the comment as a post) 🙂 Thanks and yes I know why you cant remember much of that night 😛

    Gypsy – HAHA Killing me softly. Never thought of it that way. I was just free falling with my thoughts here. Most of the time I write about how I feel so maybe our lives are not that different. Maybe we should talk about it! 😀 Thanks again!

    February 6, 2009 at 5:51 pm

  8. good stuff dude! inspirational…. Now nailing that is not easy!!

    February 11, 2009 at 5:35 pm

  9. passionatelypatient

    You truly are gifted. Amazing lines! I love your post ..

    February 27, 2009 at 10:33 am

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