A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

Free Falling

I feel disconnected from my brain. My memory is fading and there is a dark cloud where my thoughts used to be. I feel the little things in my mind slowly go out of focus. It’s like every piece of my memory is subject to spontaneous combustion. I try to salvage them but thus far, I have  no luck. My head aches each time my thoughts ignite. I feel like I’m stumbling across my brain and I don’t know where I’m headed. It seems familiar, yet strange, like the feeling of déjà vu. I know I have been here before and experienced a similar feeling but I don’t what to attribute it to and when it happened. It’s like a dream that is playing over and over again.  I can feel my thoughts floating around me. I reach out to grab them, but they flutter by, out of reach like butterflies.

Confusion is what I am made of right now. It is what urges me forward to find the answers and yet also holds me back. If this goes on, how will I end up? Without a single memory? Would I have to start again from scratch? Making my way back to where I am now, through all the trials and tribulations between here and square one? Will I make the same decisions? If change my course will I be the same person I am now? If I change my course, will I remember who I am now, at least subliminally, to compare myself with who I was before? If l look in the mirror will I recognize myself? Will I realize that I am actually looking into a mirror?

I feel the thoughts burning, crackling as they raze into oblivion. The inferno is overpowering me. My confusion strengthens the flames. I hit a brick wall. Inside my head, walls seem to spring up from nowhere. I look around; trying to make sense of the path, but it is difficult to see through the maze. Is this where I give up and say goodbye to my mind? Is this the end? What should I do when I’m afraid to let go of something I’m afraid to hold on to?

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7 responses

  1. hmmmmmmmmmm

    that seriously got me thinking

    *hugs*

    February 26, 2009 at 1:27 pm

  2. Parallel thoughts, my friend. Parallel thoughts.

    Brilliant.

    February 26, 2009 at 1:50 pm

  3. That was insane, man.
    Hats off to you.

    February 26, 2009 at 3:51 pm

  4. passionatelypatient

    “What should I do when I’m afraid to let go of something I’m afraid to hold on to?”

    Give it over to God. Let Him hang on to ism and you’re free 🙂

    February 26, 2009 at 6:57 pm

  5. passionatelypatient

    “What should I do when I’m afraid to let go of something I’m afraid to hold on to?”

    Give it over to God. Let Him hang on to it and you’re free.

    (hugs)

    February 26, 2009 at 6:57 pm

  6. passionatelypatient

    Thank you for your kind comment on my post “unsilent dawn”, I added you to my blogroll.

    *hugs again*

    February 26, 2009 at 6:58 pm

  7. Black Rose

    A really deep post. Kudos to you!

    February 27, 2009 at 6:50 pm

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