I feel disconnected from my brain. My memory is fading and there is a dark cloud where my thoughts used to be. I feel the little things in my mind slowly go out of focus. It’s like every piece of my memory is subject to spontaneous combustion. I try to salvage them but thus far, I have no luck. My head aches each time my thoughts ignite. I feel like I’m stumbling across my brain and I don’t know where I’m headed. It seems familiar, yet strange, like the feeling of déjà vu. I know I have been here before and experienced a similar feeling but I don’t what to attribute it to and when it happened. It’s like a dream that is playing over and over again. I can feel my thoughts floating around me. I reach out to grab them, but they flutter by, out of reach like butterflies.
Confusion is what I am made of right now. It is what urges me forward to find the answers and yet also holds me back. If this goes on, how will I end up? Without a single memory? Would I have to start again from scratch? Making my way back to where I am now, through all the trials and tribulations between here and square one? Will I make the same decisions? If change my course will I be the same person I am now? If I change my course, will I remember who I am now, at least subliminally, to compare myself with who I was before? If l look in the mirror will I recognize myself? Will I realize that I am actually looking into a mirror?
I feel the thoughts burning, crackling as they raze into oblivion. The inferno is overpowering me. My confusion strengthens the flames. I hit a brick wall. Inside my head, walls seem to spring up from nowhere. I look around; trying to make sense of the path, but it is difficult to see through the maze. Is this where I give up and say goodbye to my mind? Is this the end? What should I do when I’m afraid to let go of something I’m afraid to hold on to?