A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

Dear Me,

Put down that book and read this letter. The book is never going to help you anyway. What you achieve is going to come from the world outside; school books will only get you so far in life. You will only know 8 answers to the Science Part 1 paper in your O/L’s. (Sorry to be blatant so soon, but that’s how prepared you were). The rest is going to come from the guy two rows away, who is going to get it from the guy who is 2 seats in front of you, who got it from.. god knows where. Yes you are going to copy, and don’t act like you don’t know it. But it’s OK, have fun doing it and don’t get caught, because after your O/L’s you are never going to copy again. Not because you can’t, it’s because you don’t have to.

Your band, Chaos, it’s not going to be anything you dreamed it would be. It’s not going to be anything at all. You will write lyrics, you will design the album cover and also decide how you guys are going to make your first live performance. Yet you will forget to learn the instruments and never play. This will come by being complacent after the exams and thinking that tomorrow will always be there. You will soon learn how wrong you were. However, don’t stop dreaming, I never did. Your dreams are only limited by your imagination, make the most of it.

Your passion for music and your obsession with the band is going to lead to you start writing. Do not throw this stuff away, and do not stop writing. It will come in handy later on when you are almost my age. Your inspiration will first come from the pain you went through with the girl who scarred you for life. Hate her all you want, but you can’t ever escape the fact that even for one day in your life, you loved her with all your heart. Learn to channel the negativity in life into something profound. This will be tough at first, but later on you will come to realize that pain is an old friend and will always remain close to you.

Pretty soon, you will learn a secret about your life which was hidden from the day you were born. This will crush you and you will see that the life you lived up to now had been a lie. Confront this feeling, and talk to the people who matter. You will realize that the ones who kept the secret did it for your own good, yet, you will appreciate the ones who told you. If not for them, I would still be living a lie.

Your love life will be on the rocks for sometime. But thereafter it’s going to be pretty amazing with a pretty amazing person. However, remember you will never truly heal, and you will always crumble when you least expect it. To be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Learn to get up again, it’s what will make you me. You will realize that you are your best friend and also your worst enemy. Very few will understand you, and you won’t fail to leave those who do pretty confused too. But you can’t expect anything more from them, when even you can’t understand yourself, can you? Do you understand me?

For a few years, you will try to live carefully. You will monitor yourself in the face of others and always strive for a good image. This will end soon. You will realize that nothing is worth it, and carefree is the way to go. You will be afraid at first, others will worry about you, but deep down inside you never really give a shit. You will learn this the hard way, and I’m not going to make it any easier for you.

Your regrets will plague you, but not unless you act upon it. The only real advice I can give you, is don’t be afraid and don’t back down. If you got this down pat, then you will probably never know me, because then I will probably never exist. And everything I said above will be redundant. But just to make it interesting, let’s see if we do follow the same path. The older Me never wrote a letter to me and I had to figure things out on my own. So appreciate this, fool. My letter to you won’t help you figure things out either, because the best lessons you learn are the ones you learn on your own.

Do things just because you can. Live like today is your last day on earth. Don’t judge others and stop trying to keep them from judging you. Learn to get high on life. You will realize no substance can match this high, because it comes from within. Learn to appreciate your family and not distance them. Don’t hold back, let go of yourself. It’s the only way to be free. Your hormones may control your life sometimes and you will start thinking with your dick, don’t fight it. It will lead to the best times a guy could have. Dream big and work on those dreams. The road will be slow at first and don’t let that bring you to a halt. Keep going, keep going until your legs give out. Don’t sleep to dream, sleep to build your energy and dream when you are awake. Make amends, life is too short to live being pissed off with people. Write shit down. It will help when you start losing your memory. Love your friends; they are going to be one of the biggest and best parts of your life. Stop trying to understand yourself. You will only fail. We are an enigma, just like everybody else.

Eram quod es, Eris quod sum. (Let’s see)

Me.

****

Thanks for the tag, Brandix. I tag Pavi and Realskullzero.

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14 responses

  1. sabbyaz

    Woah. This was just…deep.
    Brilliant BRILLIANT writing.

    lol only you can start out writing a letter to yourself and be able to relate to everyone else who’s gonna read this 🙂

    November 17, 2009 at 2:55 pm

  2. Whacko

    If you got this down pat, then you will probably never know me, because then I will probably never exist.

    bravo.

    November 17, 2009 at 3:02 pm

  3. WOW Great thoughts and advice, Chuck>
    “This will be tough at first, but later on you will come to realize that pain is an old friend and will always remain close to you.”

    November 17, 2009 at 3:09 pm

  4. Always always a pleasure reading you… was really deep… and I totally agree with Sabby 🙂

    Will get to mine soon…

    And babe, you’ve come out pretty okay 🙂 Love ya dude…. 🙂

    November 17, 2009 at 3:19 pm

  5. Chavie

    really nicely written Unsilent! 🙂 good advice, and nice bit about the whole paradox! 😀 lol

    November 17, 2009 at 4:01 pm

  6. Beautifully written.

    So many lines in here that I love and would tell myself but one of my favourites is: “However, don’t stop dreaming, I never did. Your dreams are only limited by your imagination, make the most of it.”. Amen! 🙂

    November 17, 2009 at 4:03 pm

  7. Delilah

    brilliant. makes so much sense.

    November 18, 2009 at 11:00 am

  8. This is really nice… great piece of writing!

    November 19, 2009 at 8:50 pm

  9. Nicely written.

    November 20, 2009 at 10:23 am

  10. that is NAAAIIIIICE 🙂

    November 20, 2009 at 9:32 pm

  11. heheh…great stuff bro…ah life a fucking mystery…

    November 22, 2009 at 7:05 am

  12. woah… love the penultimate para. this is deep!

    November 23, 2009 at 12:06 am

  13. Pingback: Dear Sixteen-Year-Old-Me… « The Black Rose of Anarchy

  14. nice one, chinch 😉

    November 30, 2009 at 2:47 pm

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