A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…


Dear Me,

Put down that book and read this letter. The book is never going to help you anyway. What you achieve is going to come from the world outside; school books will only get you so far in life. You will only know 8 answers to the Science Part 1 paper in your O/L’s. (Sorry to be blatant so soon, but that’s how prepared you were). The rest is going to come from the guy two rows away, who is going to get it from the guy who is 2 seats in front of you, who got it from.. god knows where. Yes you are going to copy, and don’t act like you don’t know it. But it’s OK, have fun doing it and don’t get caught, because after your O/L’s you are never going to copy again. Not because you can’t, it’s because you don’t have to.

Your band, Chaos, it’s not going to be anything you dreamed it would be. It’s not going to be anything at all. You will write lyrics, you will design the album cover and also decide how you guys are going to make your first live performance. Yet you will forget to learn the instruments and never play. This will come by being complacent after the exams and thinking that tomorrow will always be there. You will soon learn how wrong you were. However, don’t stop dreaming, I never did. Your dreams are only limited by your imagination, make the most of it.

Your passion for music and your obsession with the band is going to lead to you start writing. Do not throw this stuff away, and do not stop writing. It will come in handy later on when you are almost my age. Your inspiration will first come from the pain you went through with the girl who scarred you for life. Hate her all you want, but you can’t ever escape the fact that even for one day in your life, you loved her with all your heart. Learn to channel the negativity in life into something profound. This will be tough at first, but later on you will come to realize that pain is an old friend and will always remain close to you.

Pretty soon, you will learn a secret about your life which was hidden from the day you were born. This will crush you and you will see that the life you lived up to now had been a lie. Confront this feeling, and talk to the people who matter. You will realize that the ones who kept the secret did it for your own good, yet, you will appreciate the ones who told you. If not for them, I would still be living a lie.

Your love life will be on the rocks for sometime. But thereafter it’s going to be pretty amazing with a pretty amazing person. However, remember you will never truly heal, and you will always crumble when you least expect it. To be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Learn to get up again, it’s what will make you me. You will realize that you are your best friend and also your worst enemy. Very few will understand you, and you won’t fail to leave those who do pretty confused too. But you can’t expect anything more from them, when even you can’t understand yourself, can you? Do you understand me?

For a few years, you will try to live carefully. You will monitor yourself in the face of others and always strive for a good image. This will end soon. You will realize that nothing is worth it, and carefree is the way to go. You will be afraid at first, others will worry about you, but deep down inside you never really give a shit. You will learn this the hard way, and I’m not going to make it any easier for you.

Your regrets will plague you, but not unless you act upon it. The only real advice I can give you, is don’t be afraid and don’t back down. If you got this down pat, then you will probably never know me, because then I will probably never exist. And everything I said above will be redundant. But just to make it interesting, let’s see if we do follow the same path. The older Me never wrote a letter to me and I had to figure things out on my own. So appreciate this, fool. My letter to you won’t help you figure things out either, because the best lessons you learn are the ones you learn on your own.

Do things just because you can. Live like today is your last day on earth. Don’t judge others and stop trying to keep them from judging you. Learn to get high on life. You will realize no substance can match this high, because it comes from within. Learn to appreciate your family and not distance them. Don’t hold back, let go of yourself. It’s the only way to be free. Your hormones may control your life sometimes and you will start thinking with your dick, don’t fight it. It will lead to the best times a guy could have. Dream big and work on those dreams. The road will be slow at first and don’t let that bring you to a halt. Keep going, keep going until your legs give out. Don’t sleep to dream, sleep to build your energy and dream when you are awake. Make amends, life is too short to live being pissed off with people. Write shit down. It will help when you start losing your memory. Love your friends; they are going to be one of the biggest and best parts of your life. Stop trying to understand yourself. You will only fail. We are an enigma, just like everybody else.

Eram quod es, Eris quod sum. (Let’s see)



Thanks for the tag, Brandix. I tag Pavi and Realskullzero.


25 Random Things: A Product of Boredom

Got tagged on Facebook for the ’25 random bullshits’ thing that has taken the world by storm. Damn we all got to find better ways to spend our time. But since there is no alternative yet, here’s a list of 25 things on the randomonium that is me.

1. When I was a kid my dream was to be a detective. I had a spy kit with all the equipment, and I was waiting for a robber to come to the house so I can search for clues and catch the bugger. Robber no come. I cry. I take mold of my own footprint. (LAME!!)

2. I love to dance. I dance like no one else is watching me. If I can’t go crazy on the dance floor I don’t enjoy it at all. Period.

3. There is no Yes or No in life. Accept it.

4. I have gotten used to being misunderstood. Now it’s just a part of being me.

5. When I’m alone, I never get lonely. I enjoy my ‘me’ time. As long as the voices in my head are talking, and I have me, I’m good. I hope it will never ever change.

6. Some of the best highs I have had were on nothing. I can get extremely supernova high on life. It gives me a sense of satisfaction to be able to experience that.

7. When I’m high I have but one Kryptonite. And if you thought I’m revealing that here, well think again.

8. I strongly believe (and put to good use) the phrase ‘Love thy neighbour’ 😀

9. I have become a real internet addict. The first thing I do when I enter my room, at whatever time, is switch on the computer and just browse aimlessly. I think it has something to do with blogging.

10. I have trouble sleeping. I stay up till late on the computer, and when I do become sleepy and go to bed. I can’t sleep. So most of the time I just lie there looking out the window at the sky, wondering what it would be like to fly.

11. I have developed a substantial anarchist persona, and it gets high on being, well, anarchist.

12. Sometimes I wish I was a Velociraptor. (Don’t ask!)

13. I have no clue of what’s going on in the world. I know nothing about politics, the current economy or anything. I used to feel left out and stupid, so I started reading and found them to be boring and I guess I was too stupid to get them. Now I have accepted it, and am OK with me being a current event dud.

14. One of my dreams is to make a movie, something I’m eons away from. I have no experience in this. I only got my love for movies and cinematography and the knack for getting stuck whenever I try to write a script or a story.

15. I need to pee. *leaves desk to take a leak*

16. Since recently, I’ve been having a bad case of memory loss and utter stupidity/clumsiness. I find myself forgetting so many little things and doing things which I cannot really explain, for the sake of saving my slowly slipping façade of sanity.

17. I wish I could remove my brain and study it.

18. I believe that everything will be ok in the end; if it’s not ok then it’s not the end

19. As much as I stand alone, I want to experience the most, fun, exciting and tragic moments with my friends in my presence. When I heard about the LTTE attack on Friday I was at the Wendt. The first thing that came into my mind was to hammer to the Hilton where my friends were. I almost went there had it not been that the roads were closed.

20. I cannot remember what I was going to write for this one (See 16)

21. If to commit suicide is Emo, then what is murder?

22. I realized recently that I have stopped caring about many of the things I used to care about so much within the duration of a year. I live for each day and I think it worries and pisses some people off, but I really don’t care.

23. I have a notebook which I take everywhere to write down my thoughts and ideas whenever I get inspired. I never leave home without it, but I almost always forget to take a pen. (Damn this memory)

24. What inspires me to write? The strangers inside my head. I just listen to their thoughts and views of the world and life. It’s warped and elusive, just the way I like it.

25. I put a lot of thought into this which shows how jobless I really am