A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

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Disenchanted Romance

Disenchanted romance
Empty parties with silent music
Dead people slow dancing
Under the pale moonlight
I know this story
I know this memory
I sensed my loss for words
A long time ago
I still feel the same
But I try to play along
Knowing I was wrong

Believing in little
Merry go round dreams
Seeking the invisible
In the pale moonlight
I know what I’m meant for
And I can’t deny pain
Time may heal but I’ll remain
Broken forever and over again
Faded pictures
And catatonic lullabies
Defeated promises to never die
I know this road
I closed the door
I sensed my loss of reason
A long time ago
But I still played along
Knowing I was wrong
I walked away I walked alone

esreveR nI

Wall by ~Sotherby

The room with the red wall. Everything is backwards. Again. My world, my thoughts, feelings and desired orbiting around me in reverse. Again. Everybody walks backwards, talks backwards, thinks backwards and drives in reverse. I am motionless watching this reversed parody of the world as I know it. The red wall smiles at me. Strobe lights appear from nowhere and cast their spell inside this little room. The music starts pulsating backwards. It’s the only thing that makes sense in reverse.

I want to punch the wall till I bleed. I want to paint the red wall again with blood. I want to bleed and let the pain become pleasure and let the pleasure caress my brain. I am in a fit of rage. Or is it ecstasy? I keep punching the walls until my knuckles are sore. My fist is weak, but my brain forgets to stop punching. I want to shed my skin, rip myself away from me. But how can I, when I can’t even shed my shadow?

Love turns to lust turns to something darker. Slow motion dreams in reverse. Where am I going? Or where am I coming from? What am I running from?

I hear his voice for the first time. Piercing my brain, he tells me what I want to hear, and I listen quietly, as the red wall looms in front of me. The paint begins to drip turning a shade darker. My mind blocks out everything except his voice. He tells me how to be, who to be, what to say, what to do. I am in a trance and I suffer my desires.

I sacrifice my mind to the unknown knowing well that it will not result in good. I split myself apart, until I don’t recognize myself and I can’t be put back together. I split myself until all I’m are shards of glass put together to resemble a cracked image. Who am I now? What do I believe? Where is my voice of reason? Now I see the world through a cracked glass. A cracked world in reverse. There is no turning back now.

The dark recess which I call home begs me to come back but I am too far gone.

Divided

Walking on the line
I never wanted to cross
Distant thoughts
Alluring dreams
Contemplating desire over loss
Took off the worn out mask
Soul searching in the mirror
Oh my love, for which is tainted
She holds me prisoner
In this comfortable cell
Yet I find this perfect reality
A little too close for comfort
I follow my shadow
As it leads me down
As far as it takes me
That’s where I believe
I rid myself of connection
And void myself of thought
I cross the line
I promised never to cross
And disconnect the dots
Till I’m left with the nothingness
That is empty
The nothingness
That is me

Breathe…

Close your eyes
Listen to my lullaby
Breathe me in
When I inhale you
Taste my lips
The world outside is cold
Safe we are
Inside the warmth we know
I will push if you pull
Breathe me in
I will inhale you
Don’t be afraid
I am here
I am in you

After The Storm

Thunder rumbled in
Lightning cracked the earth
The rains washed away
All that we built on the surface
Until all that remained
Was just a little isle
Barely enough for us to survive

I held you close
A shelter from the storm
While the emptiness consumed
All we couldn’t face alone
Little by little
The tides pushed harder
My world slipped out of place
As you slipped through my fingers
I tried to hold on
But my weakness became stronger
I had to give in
To the emptiness I surrendered

The sun shone later
Failing to light a bleaker world
Blistering all sense of purpose
To remind what was taken

I have passed many a season
Staring at empty horizons
Our memories setting like the sun
I will wait for you
As the skies turn shades darker
Until I am all but consumed
Yes I will wait for you
Until forever

Waiting the Storm by Ictenbey

The Last Dance

I turn my camera on by Slightly Amazing Grace

I see you dance in the light where the world is yours
In false pretense, I sit in the dark watching my cure
Listening to your heart sing in a cadenced melody
Watching your eyes, interpreting their story
As you pick up your steps, you brighten your play
Glowing brighter than the light in your way
Illuminated in brightness, white light blindness
The words best said are the ones unspoken
The path best walked is the one not chosen
I wake up to a room of numbness and fear
And the sound of your silence
Reminds me the end is near

Serpentine Lullaby

Poison in my veins
Darkness in my eyes
Softly lulling me to sleep
Your serpentine lullaby

Whispers come in hisses
Kisses turn to bites
Choke me with your caress
Your serpentine lullaby

Agony becomes pleasure
Pleasure I can’t defy
Breathe me in, pull me closer
Your serpentine lullaby

I sink right into you
Wrap myself around inside
Pull you apart from the seams
My serpentine lullaby

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