A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

Posts tagged “escape

Ashes Of My Fears

Reality can’t see
What fantasy hides
I get lost in the truth
Find myself in a lie
You were but a dream
Now I’m not so sure
I used to be innocent
I’ve forgotten what’s pure
You were an illusion
A dream I dared to dream
Fading in to darkness
In the shadows of my whims
Until all that remained was
The ghost of a flickering flame
Fighting a losing battle
Against the winds of change

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esreveR nI

Wall by ~Sotherby

The room with the red wall. Everything is backwards. Again. My world, my thoughts, feelings and desired orbiting around me in reverse. Again. Everybody walks backwards, talks backwards, thinks backwards and drives in reverse. I am motionless watching this reversed parody of the world as I know it. The red wall smiles at me. Strobe lights appear from nowhere and cast their spell inside this little room. The music starts pulsating backwards. It’s the only thing that makes sense in reverse.

I want to punch the wall till I bleed. I want to paint the red wall again with blood. I want to bleed and let the pain become pleasure and let the pleasure caress my brain. I am in a fit of rage. Or is it ecstasy? I keep punching the walls until my knuckles are sore. My fist is weak, but my brain forgets to stop punching. I want to shed my skin, rip myself away from me. But how can I, when I can’t even shed my shadow?

Love turns to lust turns to something darker. Slow motion dreams in reverse. Where am I going? Or where am I coming from? What am I running from?

I hear his voice for the first time. Piercing my brain, he tells me what I want to hear, and I listen quietly, as the red wall looms in front of me. The paint begins to drip turning a shade darker. My mind blocks out everything except his voice. He tells me how to be, who to be, what to say, what to do. I am in a trance and I suffer my desires.

I sacrifice my mind to the unknown knowing well that it will not result in good. I split myself apart, until I don’t recognize myself and I can’t be put back together. I split myself until all I’m are shards of glass put together to resemble a cracked image. Who am I now? What do I believe? Where is my voice of reason? Now I see the world through a cracked glass. A cracked world in reverse. There is no turning back now.

The dark recess which I call home begs me to come back but I am too far gone.


Way Out

Coming clean is the hardest thing
When I’m the victim of my crimes
The debris that was once a beautiful world
Now in the disarray that I left behind

How can I face myself and plead guilty
When regret is locked up inside
Inside the nothingness I took for granted
Is pain just a blessing in disguise?

If only words weren’t empty
And the tears didn’t sting my eyes
Would it make it easier
To live this life
If I could reverse reality
And let truth outshine the lies
Would it make it easier
To live this life

I never knew I’m falling until I hit the ground
And now I lie there broken waiting to be found
I close my eyes to look for a world sincere
The search is over now, but I’m still lying here

Waiting for someone to cure my disease
Waded out into the past trying to find relief
When bliss is synthetic, hate becomes a sport
Nothing is ever a mistake until you get caught

If fear was only a dream
And I had the strength to fight
Would it make it easier
To live this life
If I could erase the past
And define wrong from right
Would it make it easier
To live this life

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Way Out is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License


The Placebo Effect II

I watched her burn every memory
Everything she knew she had of me
She locked herself in her panic room
And danced alone to a sorrowful tune
I won’t take the drugs, she promised me
But now she’s trying hard to put her soul to sleep
Her silence gives me hope
But there’s an eclipse in her eyes
Tempting me to read her lies
The world within, I can’t deny
And just when she thought it was over
She realized it had just begun
Just when she thought she could face the truth
She realized it’s too late to run
To take apart the pieces and undo her dreams
Her leaking eyes spill the truth behind the screen
Trapped in a place where truth and pain collide
Unto a different world she’ll step tonight
In blind obedience for renaissance she will fight

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The Placebo Effect II is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License


The Third Law

I walked away, trying to stay
I hurt myself, trying to be safe
I looked within, trying to look away
I trapped myself, trying to escape

I gave it up, trying not to give in
I lost myself, trying to finally win
I fell out of line, trying to keep within
I became a sinner, trying not to sin

I held your hand, trying to let go
I missed the shot, trying to hit home
I became a void, trying to be whole
I became the enemy, trying to be a hero

I opened the door, trying to keep it shut
I embraced my pain, trying to become numb
I blinded myself, trying to see in the dark
I broke myself, trying not to fall apart

I became a failure, trying to achieve
I lost my faith, trying to believe
I fell to the floor, trying to be on my feet
I killed myself, trying to live free

Creative Commons License
The Third Law is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License