A new divide I created within, to make sense of the infinite futility that lies inside…

Posts tagged “exams

Mindless Indulgence over Education

I have exactly 14 more days for my CIM exams, and I can bravely say that I haven’t even thought about studying. OK so I thought about studying, but that’s it. Instead I’m listening to music and just chilling out. I got into this mad mood to listen to a lot of music today, and to find new music and listen to new artists. This happened at work because both my bosses who normally sit next to and behind me are abroad and I’m alone on my side of the workstation, with the opportunity to do whatever I want and a mind screaming to take that opportunity.

So at work, I spent most of the time, checking out new music on YouTube, my solace in times of boredom. I did some work too, but I focused mainly on the music. I brought this phase home with me, and since then have been listening to various songs without studying. I found a new band, they been around for some time but they are new to me, Mindless Self Indulgence. I guess mindless is the proper name to describe them because I doubt the songs I heard, have a very deep meaning to them, but damn do they rock. I’ve been indulging myself in the songs, Never Wanted to Dance and Shut Me Up, which are so pumped up, they really gets you going. I’m also listening to a lot of The Killers, Placebo and Incubus, my form of therapy since recently. I’m beginning to realize my refreshed Incubus phase is not just a phase.

I don’t know what brought on this total neglect of studying. Maybe I’ll start studying later or tomorrow, maybe I won’t. I planned on studying yesterday and ended up watching a movie, today its music, who knows what tomorrow will bring. I don’t seem to care about it much now. Exams have just become little details in life that just have to be looked at when the proper time comes. Maybe I’ll freak out then and cram my ass of, but I will leave that also for another day. There’s 14 days more, I still have time… I think.

I’m writing this as a personal reminder, to remind myself, that in around 3 months from now, when I get my results, and (IF) I have failed (I hope I get through)
I will not kick myself for wasting time listening to music, watching movies and not studying.
I will be happy that I actually enjoyed myself doing nothing important and not stressing myself, because life is about living and having fun, and not about exams.
I will remember the music
I will remember the freedom

Feed my will to feel this moment
Urging me to cross the line
Reaching out to embrace the random
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come
(Tool)

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